Touhou und Panzer Projekt
by Pompmaker1
Summary: Yukari watches the Girls und Panzer projekt and gets some ideas.
1. Chapter 1

DISCLAIMER: I do not own the Touhou Project or Girls und Panzer. The Touhou Project belongs to Team Shanghai Alice, and Girls und Panzer belongs to its creators. I only own the storyline of this crossover fanfic.

-PROLOGUE-

"…"

"Huh."

"That was interesting."

With those words, the mysterious blonde woman wearing a lavish outfit got up from her seat and walked away gracefully.

The woman chuckled quietly to herself, holding a small disk case which read "Girls und Panzer, episodes 1-12".

"Ran!"

"What is it, Yukari-sama?"

"Call the usual people here tomorrow morning. I have another idea for them."

"…Sigh. As you wish, Yukari-sama I will do as you say."

-CHAPTER ONE-

"…Empty as usual, I see."

With a disgruntled sigh, the tired shrine maiden sat down next to her overly spacious donations box. Staring up at the sky, she engaged in a short period of silent thought.

_…How dull… Nothing much has happened since that last incident. Though I'm not particularly fond of going out and mucking around fighting strange people I've never met, I think it might be getting a little… well… boring around here. I do wish something interesting would happen soon…_

Suddenly, the shrine maiden opened her eyes in realization, then instinctively got to her feet, wary of anything unusual about to happen.

Nothing…

Nothing…

Nothing.

Breathing a sigh of relief, she sat back down and drank a sip from a cup of tea.

_So she didn't show up after all_, she thought._ I suppose that means I'll have some peace and quiet for now-_

"REIMU!"

Surprised, Reimu turned around hastily, only to be tackled full force by a black-and-white blur. She sprawled out onto the ground from the force of the impact, while hearing a crash somewhere behind her. Getting up on her feet, she turned to face the intruder, annoyed by what she saw.

"Oh, it's just you, Marisa."

The enthusiastic witch grinned at Reimu, as if expecting some form of congratulation on her dynamic entrance.

"How was that, Reimu? I've been training on my Stardust Reverie! I put more power into it this time!"

Reimu looked at her good friend with an irritated face.

"I told you not to do that whenever you visit. It's annoying being surprised like that and I have to fix the wall and clean up afterwards. If you're going to keep behaving like that, at least take some responsibility and help me with repairs."

Marisa pouted, puffing up her cheeks.

"Aw… Reimu's always so mean to me."

"Don't give me that. You keep trying to act cute and think that I'll forgive you. Anyway, what did you come here for?"

"Hmm? Oh, right, that. Well, you see… that Yukari is planning something for us and some of those other weird personalities."

Reimu scoffed at the words, looking away in irritation.

"Again? Well, whatever that old gap-hag is planning, tell her I'm not interested. I don't want anything to do with that meddling youkai."

"Actually, I think you may be interested this time. Apparently, it's some sort of contest. The winner gets some sort of cash prize."

Upon hearing the magic words, Reimu's eyes lit up. "Cash?"

"Mmm! It's right here on the brochure. Take a look!"

Marisa pushed a folded paper into Reimu's hands. Unfolding it, Reimu began to read.

"Gensokyo Tank Championship… Design a machine of war and pilot it yourself… yada yada yada… Oh wait, here it is. All participating contestants are eligible to win an 800,000 yen cash prize for attaining first place…** 800,000 yen!? I'm rich! I'm RICH!**" Reimu started frantically waving about the paper which was clutched tightly in her hand while prancing around blabbering about finances.

"Um… Reimu… you haven't won yet. We don't even know what this is about!" Marisa objected hurriedly, but then a thought crossed her mind.

"…But, from your reaction, I guess you'll be taking part then?" Marisa asked with a sly grin.

Reimu's eyes glinted with steely determination. "I will crush all opposition which stands in the way of me and my beautiful, beautiful money. I AM GOING TO WIN THIS! AND THE MONEY WILL BE MINE! ALL MINE!"

Reimu snapped out of her partial insanity and re-read the brochure. "Though what exactly are we supposed to do again? It says here that we're gonna be fighting using machines called 'tanks'. What the heck is a tank?"

Marisa shrugged. "Don't ask me, I've got no idea, ze. I guess we could ask the kappa about it, since they know a lot about machines. Although, Yukari did say that she would explain things to us if we went to the meeting place, so I guess we should go there first."

"And just where is this meeting place?" Reimu asked impatiently.

The words were barely out of her mouth when she felt the ground below them seemingly disappear. Before they knew it, the two girls fell through a pair of strange, purple holes in space.

"Ow!" "Oof!" A flat, solid surface greeted the falling girls. Rubbing her head, Reimu sat up and took a look around.

"Where are we?"

Marisa propped herself up and looked around, quickly analyzing their surroundings. They were in a spacious building with white walls out of something like stone. Around them lay various pieces of machinery and equipment, with tools arranged neatly on shelves.

"Some kind of… workshop, I'd say, though it seems rather well-kept and clean. It's probably just a meeting place created by Yukari to brief us in."

Reimu noticed a lot of other people around. They ranged greatly from the weakest of fairies to the most powerful of goddesses, from deep in Forest of Magic to the summits of the Youkai Mountain. There were dozens of people, mostly in the same dazed state as the two puzzled girls.

"Why are there so many people around?" Marisa asked Reimu.

"So you've noticed it too. Well, I think they were most likely also called to join the competition."

"That's right~" A deceptively sweet voice called out.

Oh, it's you" Reimu said impatiently.

A tall blonde figure shrouded by an elegant purple parasol emerged from a glowing purple gap in space with a grandiose display of ethereal butterflies. Majestically, she stepped out and closed her parasol, lowering it in a graceful sweep. Her sparkling blue eyes peered out from under her glimmering white hat, and her shining lips curled into a beautiful smile as she addressed the pair in front of her with a calm and collected voice capable of soothing demons.

"Greetings, Reimu Hakurei and Marisa Kirisame. It is certainly a pleasure seeing you here."

"Yeah, yeah. Just give up with the overly dramatic first impression thing. We've met before, you don't need to pull off this sort of display with me." Reimu placed her hands on her hips in impatience.

"Oh, but this is simply my standard way of greeting people" Yukari informed Reimu without losing an ounce of charisma.

"Whatever. Just tell us what this whole thing's about. I want to know how to get to my money." Reimu turned away from Yukari with a snort of irritation.

"I'm sorry, but you'll have to wait for the briefing to start. In the meantime, why not socialize with the people around?"

"Socialize? But I already know all of-" Reimu turned around to find an empty space where the powerful youkai once stood.

"Sigh. Still has that annoying habit of hers, I see."

Meanwhile, Marisa was busy chatting with a familiar group of people.

"So, Alice, you got invited too?" Marisa grinned.

"Hmmph. Yeah. Though I didn't really want to come, I- I just thought… since so many people would be here, I would j- just join in, you know, for fun. It- it's not like it's lonely the way I live or anything…" Alice stammered.

"Well, whatever this is, I'm sure you'll have fun!" Marisa smiled. Alice ceased her incessant frowning to show a slight smile as well.

*Cough, cough* "Hello there." A soft, sickly person with a soft, sickly voice approached the group, hovering above the ground.

"Oh, hi there, Patchouli! How did you get here? Did they send an invitation to your library?" Marisa probed curiously.

"Ah, no, they didn't." Patchouli replied.

"Then?"

"Well, the mistress got an invitation. Naturally, her *cough* massive ego acted up at the premonition of a competition. She immediately went into full on mightiest-youkai mode and rounded us up to *cough* go act as her supporters. I was dragged out too. And just when I was going to research a new spell, mukyu…" Patchouli sighed in irritation.

"So where are they now?" Marisa inquired inquisitively.

"Over there." Patchouli pointed a finger at a group of people in the distance. Upon a large red circular carpet rested a small white and red winged figure in an ornate armchair. An aura of immense power seemed to radiate from her. In front of her was an equally grand round table with a polished tea set. To her right stood a figure brimming with elegance and composure, standing elegantly at attention to serve her master with perfection and elegance. Everything about her embodied the concept of elegance.

In front of the carpet stood a woman in a green oriental dress, practicing fighting stances and doing various exercises, while a small blonde child watched in curiosity, her seven-coloured wings waving back and forth.

Suddenly, a small red-haired girl with two small pairs of black wings flew down to Patchouli.

"Master, I retrieved those books you requested" she politely reported, handing Patchouli a few books.

"Ah, thank you, Koakuma. Good to see you could find these. There aren't that many books on the outside world in our library." Patchouli flipped open the books, levitating them in front of her with magic. "I don't have anything for you to do now, so you can go stay with the mistress for now."

As Koakuma flew off, Marisa stepped behind Patchouli to peek at the books. "So, what spell are these for?" she immediately asked.

"These books are not for a spell, if that is what you believe. They are simply informative books from the outside world."

"Is that so?" asked Alice, also moving to view the books. "What are they about?"

"These," Patchouli explained, "are books describing the 'tank' machines which this competition is about. From what I can *cough* gather, 'tanks' are armoured fighting machines used for combat in the outside world. They have been in use for a long time, constantly developing and being upgraded by the residents there."

"I see" Marisa said with absorption of knowledge. "So, this means Yukari wants us to… fight? With these war machines? That's a little bit outlandish, even for her."

"How does that scheming youkai expect us to fight with these things, when we don't even know anything about them?" Alice puzzled.

"Well, Yukari will probably tell everyone about it in due ti-"

"LADIES AND GENTLEMAN!" came a booming voice.

_Huh? Kourin is here too?_ Marisa pondered.

A pedestal rose up in the largely empty center of the building. Upon it stood Yukari, entering in an even more grandiose fashion than before.

"You are all probably wondering why I, Yukari Yakumo, have gathered you all here today. The reason is simple; I have decided to organize the first Gensokyo Tank Championship!"

Many murmurs and discussions were heard from the gathered crowd of watchers.

"You are all bound to be wondering: What does this entail? Well, simply put, everyone gathered here will be competing in a large-scale deathmatch battle using tanks!"

"Yup, just as I thought" Patchouli said. "So she really wants us to fight… sigh. I guess it can't be helped."

'Now you are all probably wondering: What are tanks? How do they fight? How are we involved? Well, I will answer all these questions! Tanks are armoured fighting machines from the outside world! Their purpose is to protect their crew while giving offensive firepower! They were created in…"

Yukari proceeded to describe tanks, their functions, designs and roles in clear detail to the mostly attentive crowd. _Yeah, yeah, just get to the part about the money_, Reimu thought to herself.

"In this competition, each team will design and build a tank, and use it to fight on the battlefield. Each tank is allowed to utilize one special ability from within your team. As such, if all the other teams are eliminated by knocking out their tanks, the team surviving will be the winner, and will receive an 800,000 yen cash prize!" Yukari declared.

YESSS! I'll win this thing for sure! Reimu clenched her fist in a sign of determination, a steeled grin on her face.

"Now then, form teams of four to six! The roles for crew members of a tank are as follows: A commander, to look out and direct the actions of the tank, a gunner, to man the main gun, a loader, to reload the main gun, a driver, to move the tank using the engine and a radio operator to allow communication with other tanks" Yukari announced. "Of course, since this is an individual tank battle, the radio operator is unnecessary, but it would be best to assign someone to the role in case the tanks get… reused… later." Yukari said with a sly grin on her face.

Now what could she possibly mean by that, everyone wondered simultaneously.

After a while, the teams were decided upon and reported to the center.

"Right, so this decides the teams which will participate!" Yukari announced with importance.

"Team 1: The Hakurei Team, with four members!

Commander: Reimu Hakurei!

Gunner: Suika Ibuki!

Loader: Tokiko!

Driver: Rinnosuke Morichika!

Radio Operator: Tokiko as well!

Right then, team 2! The Magic Team, also with four members!

Commander: Patchouli Knowledge!

Gunner: Marisa Kirisame!

Loade-"

"MARISA! HOW DARE YOU BETRAY ME!" Reimu shouted. "Oh well, it can't be helped. I won't give you a share of the cash prize when I win!"

"Please do not interrupt the announcements. I shall continue now.

Loader: Alice Margatroid!

Driver: Nitori Kawashiro!

Radio Operator: Alice Margatroid as well!

Next is Team 3: The Yakumo Team, with a crew of five!

Commander: Myself!

Gunner: My subordinate, Ran Yakumo!

Loader: Her subordinate, Chen!

Driver: Youmu Konpaku!

Radio Operator: Yuyuko Saigyouji!

Next we have Team 4: The Chireiden Team, with seven members!

Commander: Yuugi Hoshiguma!

Gunner: Hmm?"  
Yukari momentarily stopped, staring at the listing in puzzlement.

"The Chireiden Team has two gunners! So, you plan for a tank with two guns?" Yukari grinned slyly.

"That's right!" came Yuugi's confident, loud voice. "We already decided on what it will look like!"

"If that is what you want, I have no complaints! I shall continue with the announcement!

Gunners: Utsuho Reiuji and Koishi Komeiji!

Loaders: Rin Kaenbyou and Kisume!

Driver: Parsee Mizuhashi!

Radio Operator: Yamame Kurodani!

Next, we have Team 5, the Eientei Team, with four members!

Commander: Eirin Yagokoro!

Gunner: Reisen Udongein Inaba!

Loader: Reisen as well!

Driver: Kaguya Houraisan!

Radio Operator: Tewi Inaba!

For Team 6, we have the Human Village team, with four members!

Commander: Kasen Ibaraki!

Gunner: Mokou Fujiwara!

Loader: Mokou as well!

Driver: Keine Kamishirasawa!

Radio Operator: Akyuu Hieda!

For Team 7, we have the Scarlet Devil Team, with five members!

Commander: Remilia Scarlet!

Gunner: Flandre Scarlet!

Loader: Koakuma!

Driver: Hong Meiling!

Radio Operator: Sakuya Izayoi!  
For Team 8, the PC-98 Team, with five members!"

Yukari paused. "Your team's name is PC-98. What does that mean?"

"No idea" A green haired ghost magician shrugged. "We just named it that based on some weird hunch Shinki had."

"Fine then, back to the listing.

Commander: Shinki!

Gunner: Yuuka Kazami!

Loader: Elly!

Driver: Rika!

Radio Operator: Mima!

For Team 9, we have… well, they didn't quite give a name, so I guess they'll be just called Team 9!"

"I told you we should have went with 'The Strongest Team'!" a blue-haired fairy exclaimed.

"It's too late to do anything about it now, so just accept it!" her green-haired friend replied.

Commander: Cirno!

Gunner: Mystia Lorelei!

Loader: Rumia!

Driver: Daiyousei!

Radio Operator: Wriggle Nightbug!"

Yukari checked the paper once more, then folded it and tossed it aside.

"That concludes the team listing! We shall commence construction of the tanks immediately!"

Yukari waved her hand in front of her, opening a large gap facing the participants.

"This is a pocket realm I have prepared for you. It contains unlimited resources for construction of tanks. In addition, upon stepping into the realm, you will be granted full knowledge of engineering and vehicle construction for as long as you stay inside! Thus, without further ado, proceed with the construction at once!"  
Upon finishing her speech, Yukari disappeared in a purple flash.


	2. Chapter 2

-CHAPTER TWO-

"Whoa! This place is huge!"

"Such a messy place…"

"What's all this for?"

Walking through the gap, the many residents of Gensokyo were immediately stunned by what they saw in front of them. Machine parts, tools and various pieces of equipment were strewn in large quantities over an endless plain.

"Wow," Marisa exclaimed in surprise. "I know Yukari can be a bit extravagant in her schemes, but this is actually quite impressive! Where did she get all this from?"

On cue, Yukari's smiling face popped out of a gap in front of the surprised Marisa.

"Well, wouldn't you want to know~" She teased.

"That was a rhetorical question, idiot."Marisa retorted as Yukari disappeared back into the gap.

"She always does that" sighed Marisa, turning to face her teammates, one of which was running off to a pile of metal nearby.

"Huaaaaaa~! So many parts!" The blue-haired kappa squealed in excitement, overjoyed at the heavenly realm of resources in front of her eyes. "These engine parts over here… they're in perfect shape! And there's so much sheet metal and circuitry! Oh, the things I could do with all these…"

"Now, now Nitori. I'm sure you'll have lots of time to do what you want after this competition is over" Patchouli reassured. "But before then, could you please focus on our team's tank?"

"So, what should our tank be focused on?" Alice asked her teammates.

"Let's get a powerful cannon, and blow the others up in a bang, ze!" Marisa enthusiastically suggested.

"Still with that one-track power-hungry mindset, I see." Alice sighed. "You do realise there are other things to be concerned about in tank combat such as armour and maneuverability, don't you? Not everything is about blasting the opponents to bits with raw power."

"Whaddya mean not everything's about raw power!?" Marisa protested angrily.

"Actually, her idea has a bit of merit." Patchouli interjected.

Alice stared in shock at Patchouli, then went into deep contemplation.

"Nope, I don't get it. Explain." Alice said after a few minutes.

"Well, in her speech, Yukari mentioned something about these 'tank destroyer' machines. I figure that if we were to make a tank destroyer small enough to be hidden well and avoid being seen, yet powerful enough to take out most of the enemies we face, we could win this competition with ease just by remaining hidden."

"Hmm. Y'know, that actually sounds like a good idea." Alice came to terms with the suggestion. "So, how do you propose this be like?"

"We could use this Hetzer from the outside world-" Patchouli pointed to a picture in a hovering book in front of her, "-as a base for our tank. For the gun, we use Marisa's Hakkero to replace the shell charges. That way-"

"-we'll be able to hide well while blowing the others to bits! Great thinking, Patchouli!" Marisa finished her sentence for her.

Patchouli conjured blueprints for the tank and passed them to Nitori. "I trust this is within your capabilities?" she queried.

"Roger! Just leave it to me!" Nitori confirmed, clutching a sprocket wrench.

As the energetic kappa got to work happily, Marisa approached Alice.

"Yo, Alice!" Marisa greeted her cheerfully.

"What is it?" Alice responded.

"I was thinking you could send your dolls to go spy on the other teams. I wanna know what we're up against."

"What? I'm not going to use such an underhanded method to gain an advantage!" Alice objected.

"C'mon, please? I wanna know! And they'll probably drive me off if I try to look for myself!" Marisa pleaded, equipping her most adorable puppy-begging face.

"...Fine!" Alice said reluctantly. "But I'm only doing this for the benefit of our team! It's not as though I'm doing it just for you or anything!"

As Marisa walked away grinning, Alice pulled out nine dolls. Eight of these flew away, while one stayed behind, hovering in front of her.

"Shanghai," Alice addressed the doll. "tell me what your sisters see."

On command, Shanghai opened its eyes, speaking in a monotonous voice.

"The Hakurei team has prepared a rather normal tank, but it seems to have a torii gate and a donations box strapped to it."

_Does that shrine maiden expect to get donations in the middle of the battle? Alice wondered to herself._

"The Yakumo team's tank has a parasol attached to it; other than that, it seems normal."

_Why does Yukari even need that? She's not a vampire._

"The Chireiden team has a gargantuan monstrosity with two turrets, giant cannons and foot-thick armour."

_That's going to be a tough one to deal with._

"The Eientei team's tank has an incredibly long gun and rabbit ears."

_Rabbit ears?_

"The Human village team has a strange building-shaped turret. Their tank seems quite normal other than that."

_Keine adding some decorations, I guess._

"The Scarlet devil team has a pike-nosed tank with a large umbrella shading it. It seems pretty fast."

_Remilia's not using mist this time?_

"The doll sent to the PC-98 team had its signal cut. It seems they've destroyed it."

_As expected from Master and her companions._

"Team 9 is shrouded in darkness. I can't spy on them without risking detection."

_That pesky darkness youkai again._

"Right," Alice said, "tell your sisters to come back. I've got all I need to know for now."

As Shanghai flew off to gather the other dolls, Alice returned to Patchouli and told her of the situation.

"Good work, Alice." Patchouli praised her. "Say, we could *cough* use your help assembling the tank."

"And how would I help?" Alice asked, staring at the kappa feverishly working hard, a wide smile on her face.

"Well, we need you to use your dolls' lasers to weld these plates. To *cough* withstand the  
power of the Hakkero, they need to be tough, so we can *cough* only use magic. Marisa and I don't have enough precision for the task, but I'm pretty sure your dolls do."

"Fine, fine. I'll do it."

Meanwhile, in a slightly more aggressive environment, a particular shrine maiden irritatedly explained her flavourful design choices to her teammate.

"I told you already, it _has_ to have a donations box on it!" Reimu spat.

"And why is that?" asked the oni she was addressing.

"Because, Suika," Reimu explained once more, "after seeing our proficiency in combat, there are going to be at least some people who will want to give me some admiration money! How will they do that if we're in a tank?"

"You do realize that the people will most likely have all been evacuated from the battlegrounds, don't you?" Suika pointed out.

"There's always the chance!" Reimu confidently announced.

"Of what? An idiot wandering in? Seeing you, I'm actually inclined to believe so!"

"Did you just call me an idiot?"

"Well, you did try to pass off a shrine on wheels as a tank."

As the very irritated shrine maiden quarreled with the very irritated oni, two very irritated characters stood assembling a war machine, clearly displeased with the background noise they were being treated to.

"What are they quarreling about now?" Rinnosuke asked his companion.

Tokiko simply shrugged her shoulders and flew up to fit a viewfinder onto their tank. Rinnosuke, wanting an answer to his question, walked closer to the bickering pair after installing a ventilation port for his hookah.

"...but if you put your torii gate on the back of the tank, where will I keep my booze? In the ammo rack?"

"You shouldn't be drinking sake on the battlefield anyway!"

"But it helps me focus! By your logic, you shouldn't drink tea either!"

"**Tea doesn't make me drunk!** Also, whaddya mean, 'sake helps you focus'?"

"Exactly what I said!"

_So, this is how cooperative our team's going to be, huh…_ Rinnosuke sighed as he weighed their chance of their success on the battlefield. Absent-mindedly, he used his power on their 'tank'. He identified its purpose as a self-propelled high-explosive bomb. Decidedly depressed, he got back to work.

Some distance away, an excited hell raven got into position for a test of their machine.

"ARMOUR TEST!" Utsuho Reiuji announced, moments later letting loose a massive burst of nuclear energy from the control rod on her arm. The pulse flew rapidly towards a massive hulk of orange metal, exploding spectacularly.

When the smoke cleared, a twin-tailed cat checked the armour plate. "Not a scratch! We did it!" Rin proudly announced. "Our tank's gonna be invincible!"

"Just the way I wanted it!" A massive oni commented on their massive tank. "We can win by just letting them come to us and bounce off this thing's armour till they run out of shells!"

"At least you guys get to see them fail. I'm just stuck driving this huge thing. It can't even move as fast as I walk!" A green-eyed youkai complained in envy. "Why do I have to do this useless job?"

"Firstly, the job's not useless. Without you, our tank won't get anywhere. You're as important as the rest of us are!" a certain earth spider replied. " Second, you can't shoot well, you aren't wise or mature enough to lead us and I'm pretty sure you don't want to be a loader. That's even more boring. Driving's the only option for you."

"Also, you promised us. No jealousy on the battlefield, Parsee." Rin reminded her.

"This isn't the battlefield yet." Parsee retorted.

"Hey, isn't that the moon rabbit girl?" a small youkai in a bucket asked the people around her.

The members of the Chireiden team paused their activities to look at the sharply-dressed rabbit fly past.

"Why yeah, Kisume, it is. Is that a bullseye target she's carrying?" Yamame replied.

"So it is." Yuugi said with curiosity.

As they watched, Reisen flew past and held up the bullseye, turning to face the rest of her very far away team. "Distance, about 2 kilometres" she transmitted, amplifying her sounds in one direction with her powers. "Begin gun accuracy test."

A tank shell shot through the air, cutting a path straight towards the centre of the bullseye at astonishing speeds. After it punched right through the board, Reisen examined the results.

"Accuracy is within expected thresholds of 10 centimetres. Durability of test board and residual speed of shell estimate shell penetration at about 600 millimetres. Returning to team." Finishing her report, Reisen flew back, carrying the board with her.

"Hey, Yuugi," Koishi asked. "Can our armour deal with that?"

"We shall see," Yuugi declared, gritting her teeth. "We shall see."

Suddenly, a scarlet blur sped past their construction site. "What the heck was that?" Rin asked.

"Wheeeeeeeeeee! Now this is fun!" A blonde vampire poked her head out of a hatch on the top of her ride. As the medium-sized tank sped past the other teams, she climbed back in. "Isn't this fun, China?" she asked the other occupant of the tank.

"Much more fun than gatekeeping, Young Mistress!" came the reply from the green-clad driver. "Also, call me Meiling, not China." she added on afterthought.

"Can do, China!" Flandre cheerfully replied.

The tank ended its journey in front of two standing figures and one flying one. "So, how did the driving test go?" asked the ever-charismatic vampire.

"It was fuuuuun!" Flandre proclaimed, rolling off the tank.

"The tank works well. It's fast as a bullet and turns like a bird." Meiling reported. "Or rather, like a bat."

"Excellent. We'll go circle those slow scrapheaps in the competition while we blast them to ash." Remilia walked away, pleased. Her ever-loyal maid followed closely behind.

Thus, each of the teams tirelessly worked away at their respective tanks, all creating what was in their minds the ultimate fighting machine. For days they worked, adjusting and refining the designs through vigorous testing. Welding tools, large metal objects being dropped and explosions were all common sounds in the construction dimension.

One by one, each team reported their tanks to be complete. When all statuses were green, Yukari gathered the residents of Gensokyo once more.

"So, all the teams have reported ready for combat! With that, let the first Gensokyo tank championship BEGIN!"


	3. Chapter 3

-CHAPTER THREE-

Patchouli looked to her left and right, analysing the scenery.

"This looks about right. We're here." she announced to her companions inside the tank.

"So, now that we've come to the starting position Yukari gave us," Alice said, "I suppose we wait for an announcement or something?"

"Probably so." Nitori replied. "And then the match will start, and-"

"-it'll be BANG BANG happy time for us!" Marisa finished off.

"If all goes well, that is." Patchouli corrected.

Alice checked the map they were given.

"Hey, we're near my house." she remarked. "This map doesn't tell us where everyone else is, though."

As Alice scanned the map for possible enemy locations, a gap opened up in the tank. Out of it fell a small black panel. Patchouli analysed it.

"This is a magical artifact." she said. "It shows us the status of each of the ten teams, shown by these dots here next to their names. Currently, some of them are orange, probably indicating *cough* that they're not ready yet. Ours is green, which I assume means that we're perfectly fine."

"Neat!" Marisa exclaimed as more of the dots turned green. After a while, the last team, Team 9, was 's voice boomed out of their radio without warning.

"Teams, ready your battle stations. The Gensokyo Tank Championships begin now! Again, the rules are simple. Knock out all the others!"

"Right, let's go!" Marisa said.

Nitori started their tank's engine and drove off. "Where exactly are we going?" she asked the others.

"Head to the Hakurei shrine for now." Alice said. "I think Yukari will have sent a team there."

"Roger!" Nitori steered the tank to its new course.

Suddenly, a gunshot cut through the forest. "What was that?" Marisa asked in surprise.

Patchouli looked in the direction of the sound. "I see smoke. It's one of the other tanks!" she announced.

"Head towards it!" Marisa exclaimed with excitement.

"But make sure to stay hidden! We don't want to be caught up in the fighting!" Alice added.

Nitori adjusted course towards the smoke. A short while later, they emerged on the edge of a small clearing. In it lay two tanks locked in battle. "Reverse, I tell you, REVERSE! Bird-brained youkai!" came a voice from a strangely decorated tank. As the Hakurei team hastily backed up, a shell charged with magical energies flew into the ground where they had been.

"Tch, that was so close!" Mima pouted at their failure. "Elly! Load another, quick!" Shinki commanded. As Elly slammed another shell into the breech, the PC-98 team took a hit from their opponents. Sadly for the increasingly frustrated Reimu, it bounced off the turret armour. Yuuka prepared to return fire. With a look of intense concentration, she pulled the trigger. The magically charged shell flew out of their barrel, slamming directly into the front of the Hakurei team's tank. A large cloud of smoke and sawdust emerged from the hit.

"We got them!" Shinki announced, viewing the smoking figure of the tank.

"Wait!" Mima objected. "It's still moving!"

When the smoke cleared, Shinki's jaw dropped at the stupendousness of what she saw. The donations box on the front of the tank had absorbed the shock of the shell, though it was thoroughly smashed in the process.

"My donations box!" Reimu yelled in anguish. "And even after I put so many seals on it to keep it safe!"

"We're clearly outmatched here. Let's run away quickly!" Rinnosuke suggested.

The tank turned around, speeding away as fast as it could. Just as it was reaching the edge of the clearing, another shell slammed into its back, stopping it in its tracks.

"HAKUREI TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!" came Yukari's booming voice from their radio.

Reimu clambered out of the hatch of their immobilized tank. "Noooo! My moneeeey~" she yelled in despair. "I'll get you for this! Just you wait!"

"Yeah yeah, leave it for after the competition, at any rate. We've got some hard tanking action to do." Rika said, using a megaphone through a hatch in their tank. With that, the PC-98 team drove off.

"Those PC-98 guys are real tough." Marisa said to her team. "What do we do?"

"I have a plan!" Patchouli announced. "Nitori, get on their tail. We'll sneak up and take them out while they don't know we're here."

"Can do!" Nitori replied.

As the small Magic team rumbled silently behind the first tank-killers in all of Gensokyo, Shinki looked forward out of her tank's viewport.

"I see something!" she suddenly proclaimed.

"Where, where?" Rika asked.

"Over there!" Shinki pointed towards a large orange silhouette on top of the Hakurei Shrine mountain.

"It's the Chireiden team!" Mima exclaimed. "Let's go knock them dead like we did that shrine maiden!"

As Rika revved up the engine and turned the tank, a sudden shock went through the metal machine. Rika, Mima, Yuuka, Shinki and Elly turned around to see a magically charged armour-piercing shell firmly wedged into their engine.

"PC-98 TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!" came Yukari's voice from the radio.

"What!? How!?" Shinki sputtered in shock.

"Sorry, guys, y'all aint gonna get that kill today!" Marisa taunted through a megaphone.

"The Magic team? Where did they come from?" Yuuka yelled.

"To tell the truth, we've been following you since you offed Reimu's little party." Marisa matter-of-factly stated. "We were waiting for you to be distracted enough to turn your back entirely to us, so we could place a shot right smack into your tank!"

As the other members of the PC-98 team groaned and complained in frustration, Mima smirked. "Well done, apprentice." she silently said.

As the Magic team's tank destroyer drove by the wreckage which once was the PC-98 team, Alice raised a question. "So, where do we go next?" she asked.

"Well, we could go try to kill that tank they pointed out." Nitori suggested.

"I don't think so." Patchouli objected. "From what Alice reported regarding the *cough* tanks the other teams were building, that one has ridiculously thick armour. I *cough* don't think we can take it out."

"Fair enough," Marisa said. "so what do you recommend we do?"

"Let's just continue with finding other targets to kill. We should first search this forest thoroughly." Patchouli instructed.

The Magic team trundled off in search of new targets. A blonde vampire watched them from a far-off distance, her head poking out of their tank.

"Hey, sis, there's something down there. Think we should take a look?" Flandre asked her older sister.

""Like I said, Flandre," Remilia began, "we'll climb this mountain and get rid of any would-be snipers before going down and taking care of anything we see from up here."

"Big sis is smart!" Flandre cheered as she waved to the small dot far below. The Scarlet Devil team rapidly advanced up the side of Youkai mountain towards the Moriya shrine.

"Also, how many times do I have to tell you to stay inside the tank?" Remilia said in frustration. "You're lucky there's an umbrella shading us, or you would've been fried long ago. Get back in now!"

"Can do!" Flandre proclaimed, getting back into the tank.

'Do you really think we'll encounter enemies up here, milady?" Sakuya politely asked.

"I say there's a chance." Remilia replied. "Besides, even if we don't, we'll be able to see everything from this mountain. Then we can have our pick as to who to kill."

Above them, a particular history teacher sat in the hatch of her tank, formulating a strategy while her hot-headed companion waited impatiently. "So, Keine," Mokou pestered, "what do we do? We haven't moved since the match started."

"Quiet, I'm thinking." Keine retorted.

"Um, now isn't quite the time for that. Look!" The wild and horned hermit pointed down the mountain path towards the rapidly advancing blur of smoke and metal.

"To your battle stations! Quick!" Keine barked. "Akyuu, wake up!"

"Whuh? Are we being attacked already?" Akyuu slowly emerged from her slumber.

As if providing an answer, a shell hit the ground next to their tank, sending debris flying. Keine started the engine and hastily drove off.

"Running away?" Remilia smirked. "You obviously don't know who you're dealing with."

As the scarlet tank sped towards them, Kasen widened her eyes in shock. "They're getting closer! Faster, Keine, faster!"

"If I go any faster, our engine will explode!" Keine retorted. "Mokou! Try to hit them!"

Mokou fired a shot, but their target easily dodged it. "I can't! They're too fast!"

"All right, time to try my secret tactic!" Meiling yelled. Pulling on various levers and adjusting the driving controls, she locked the tank into a tight turn, circling around to the front of the Human Village team's tank. As Mokou desperately tried to rotate the turret to face their assailants, Meiling looked up at Flandre. "Now, young mistress!" she commanded, pulling hard on the brakes.

As the tank drifted to a halt in front of the Human Village team, Flandre fired a shot. It hit the History team squarely in the front of their tank, going straight through the armour. "Yay!" Flandre happily cheered.

"HUMAN VILLAGE TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!"

"So we were defeated." Keine sighed. "Well, I wasn't really that intent on winning anyway."

"Maybe you weren't." Mokou remarked.

Leaving behind the wrecked Human Village team, Remilia and her companions drove to a high vantage point on top of the mountain.

"So, what next, milady?" Sakuya queried.

"Well, it all depends on what we can see from up here." Remilia responded.

"Hey, what's that little black ball down there?" Flandre asked, pointing down towards the Forest of Magic.

"I think that's the annoying fairy's team. They have a darkness youkai with them." Remilia said.

"Should we go after them?" Meiling asked.

"I don't see why not." Remilia concurred. "Full speed down the mountain!"

As Remilia and her companions zoomed down the mountain, an intense discussion was taking place in the small blob of darkness.

"I told you, since our team's the strongest, we should just go knock out that witch's team!" Cirno arrogantly declared. "So why are we running away from them instead?"

"Cirno, they just knocked out one of the most powerful teams!" Daiyousei argued, steering the vehicle as fast as she could out of the forest. "If we so much as go near them, we'll die!"

"Is that so?" came a voice.

"Shut up, Rumia! This doesn't concern you! You're just the loader, after all." Cirno snorted dismissively. "You don't get to make decisions."

"Hey, guys! I see something!" Mystia announced, looking through the scope of the gun.

"What is it?" Cirno asked.

"It's another tank. Looks like that Yakumo team."

"Have they seen us yet?" Wriggle asked.

"Doesn't look like it." Mystia replied.

"What are we waiting for? LET'S GET THEM!" Cirno shouted.

"Wait!" Daiyousei pleaded. "They're the ones who organised this competition. They're bound to be stronger than we can-"

"Stronger? Impossible!" Cirno scoffed. "I am the strongest! With me in our team, there's no way we can lose!"

Seeing that further argument was pointless, Daiyousei reluctantly steered their tank towards the faraway target. She contemplated the reasoning behind her continued friendship with Cirno and her willingness to listen to the latter's every order.

The Scarlet team, hiding in bushes close behind them, halted their rapid advancement. Remilia analysed the tactical situation of their target. "They seem to be engaging the Yakumo team over there. I think we should wait for them to fight it out and kill the winner while they're distracted gloating over their victory." Remilia announced with an air of confidence. The rest of the Scarlet team concurred.

Suddenly, the tank reverberated with the impact of a high-velocity shell. The impact was so great that the tank was launched a few metres forward. As the Scarlet Devil team recovered from the unexpected impact, they heard Yukari's familiar voice.

"SCARLET DEVIL TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!"


	4. Chapter 4

~CHAPTER FOUR~

"SCARLET DEVIL TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!"

"What? How?" Remilia frantically cried, losing all semblance of charisma. "Who did this to us? I'll find them and kill them! Uguuuu~"

A kilometre away in her tank situated atop the Hakurei shrine's mountain, Eirin grinned to herself. "That was marvellous!" she commented. "We shall be remembered as the greatest tank-killers in the whole of Gensokyo's history."

"It's their fault for standing still," Tewi smirked. "With such a fast tank, they could just drive around in circles while discussing, but no, they had to sit there."

"Hey, there's a battle going on there. I think that's what they were distracted by." Reisen pointed towards the clearing that the Scarlet team was facing.

As the tank shrouded in darkness pulled into the clearing, the shroud parted to reveal a blue-haired fairy confidently poking out of the cupola. The purple tank in front of them turned to face the proud commander.

"You there! I challenge you!" Cirno announced. Inside the tank, Daiyousei's faint chanting "This is bad, this is bad, this is bad," could be heard.

Yukari majestically rose out of a gap in front of the purple tank. "Oh really?" she asked with a grin.

"Yup! I can't lose since I'm the strongest, so I have nothing to fear!" Cirno smirked.

Yukari disappeared back into the gap. As it closed, it revealed behind it the barrel of the Yakumo team's tank, pointed directly at Team 9.

"So be it."

The shell impacted the turret of Team 9's tank directly, causing the unfortunate fairy standing arrogantly inside to evaporate. "Cirno!" Daiyousei yelled. She hastily drove the tank away, narrowly dodging another shot.

"The gun controls are jammed from that hit! We can't shoot!" Mystia exclaimed.

"Then we have to run away!" Wriggle shouted.

As the tank fled at maximum speed, Cirno reformed in her previous position. "What happened?" she asked.

"You almost got us killed is what happened, idiot," Mystia scolded.

"I'm not an idiot!" Cirno retorted.

"THEY'RE CHASING US!" Wriggle exclaimed, looking backwards.

Sure enough, the purple tank was pursuing them closely. As Ran pulled the trigger, Yukari smirked.

"Looks like you're not going to be the leader, then." Yukari said to herself.

"What do you mean by that, Yukari-sama?" Chen quizzically asked.

"Oh, it's nothing." Yukari coolly waved off the question.

Ran clenched her fist in joy. "Got them!" she announced.

"Excellent!" Yukari congratulated. Taking the radio receiver from Yuyuko, she announced their defeat to the world. "TEAM 9, KNOCKED OUT!"

"Didya hear that?" Marisa asked her companions. "Only three others left for us to kill! We'd best get moving!"

"I don't think so." Patchouli disagreed. "Two of the tanks left will be troublesome to deal with. The Chireiden team's tank has armour *cough* thick enough to resist us, and the Eientei tank has that massive gun which will *cough* knock us out no matter how far away we are. In addition, Reisen *cough* can use her powers to see us from a much farther distance than others."

"So, what do you suggest we do, then?" Alice asked.

"We should allow the Eientei team to take out the Chireiden team first, as I doubt we'll be able to penetrate their armour. *cough* In the meantime, we can try to take out the Yakumo team." Patchouli rationalised.

"Sounds like a good plan," Alice concurred.

"You think we should assist the Eientei team?" Nitori asked.

"Nah," Marisa said. "They've got Reisen's powers and their target's a big orange block of metal. I think they'll be fine."

Meanwhile, Yuugi impatiently sat in the massive machine. As it trundled slowly along, she took another look out of the cupola.

"At this rate we'll never make it to that Yakumo team in time!" she yelled in frustration. "That does it," she said, clambering out of the tank.

The Chireiden team felt the entire tank shake before rising into the air. Below them, Yuugi hoisted the massive machine onto her shoulders, carrying it while running.

"Good job, Yuugi!" Yamame complimented. "Like this we'll get along much faster!"

"Grr… it's not my fault this thing can't go faster!" Parsee yelled. "To have so much strength… I wish I was an oni!"

Yamame glared at Parsee. "Now we ARE on the battlefield, so no jealousy!" she yelled at Parsee, who simply slumped down dejectedly.

Suddenly, the tank reverberated with the shock of an impact. "What was that?" Yuugi asked, putting down the tank. As she clambered back into the tank, another impact was felt.

Koishi looked out of her gunner's viewport. "It's the Yakumo team! looks like they came to us themselves!" she exclaimed.

"Excellent!" Yuugi said. "How's our armour holding up?"

"Not a scratch!" Yamame reported. "Let's kill them!

"On it!" Utsuho yelled, pulling the trigger.

Meanwhile, Ran tried again and again to penetrate the massive orange slab's armour.

"That armour's too thick! We can't do this, Yukari-sama!" she shouted.

Yukari gritted her teeth. "Fine, fall back for now."

"I think it's too late for that!" Youmu exclaimed, pointing at the shell rapidly approaching.

The shell thumped into the ground near their tank, sending debris flying everywhere and rocking the tank. "Huh," Yukari remarked. "So that's the cost of having such a high-calibre gun, eh?"

As the Yakumo team fled into the bushes, dodging the second barrel's shell, Yuugi clenched her fist in anger. "Curse them!" she yelled.

"Don't worry, Yuugi." Rin said, pushing another shell into the barrel which was just fired. "Even if we can't catch them now, they'll have to fight us eventually."

"Yeah," Koishi agreed. "Besides, we don't have anything to fear, what with our armour!"

The words were barely out of her mouth when another shell impacted the tank. This was not like the others, actually managing to rock the 250-ton tank a few degrees.

"What on earth was that?" Yuugi exclaimed in surprise. Before she could get an answer, another hit flew into the same spot as the previous one, driving a path straight through the armour.

"CHIREIDEN TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!"

"Impossible!" Yuugi sputtered. "What could have done this to us?"

A illusory figure of Eirin drifted up in front of the bewildered Chireiden team. "Interesting question." it responded. "What you just experienced was Eientei's high penetration, high velocity tank hunting gun, based on lunar weapons corps designs. No amount of armour will stand up to this thing." With that, it disappeared.

Nitori's ears and hat perked up upon hearing the news. "Hey! The super-heavy thing got knocked out!" she gleefully exclaimed. "We can finally come out of hiding!"

In the time after they knocked out the PC-98 team, the Magic team had been hiding in a secluded location near the edge of the forest waiting for the number of opponents to thin down, much to Marisa's frustration.

"It's about time, ze!" Marisa yelled. "I've been itching to use this gun for ages!"

"Not so fast," Patchouli declined. "There are still two teams out there. We should focus on hunting down the Yakumo team first, then *cough* destroy the Eientei team. We know where they are now."

"Hey guys, shush! I see them!" Alice pointed towards the purple tank rolling along towards the forest.

As the Yakumo team trundled along, Ran breathed a sigh of relief. "It's a good thing we got off alive back there," she commented. "We would've been killed."

"But now the only two tanks left are soft targets," Yuyuko said. "We'll be able to take them out, no problem."

"And I'm sure they're thinking the exact same thing." Yukari said. "We need to keep our eyes open for that low-profile Magic team, as well as hiding from the Eientei team's powerful gun and large vision range."

"Steady… aim…" Marisa let off a squeal of excitement. "FIRE!" Pulling the trigger, she sent an energy-packed shell towards the purple machine. It slammed straight into the Yakumo tank's side, nearly toppling the tank by raw power alone.

"What!? We got taken out?" Yukari exclaimed, stupefied. Then, regaining her composure, she coolly addressed the Magic team. "Excellent work, hiding and firing only when needed. I'm sure you'll be able to take out the Eientei team and become the leade- winner of the competition. *AHEM*" Yukari cleared her throat.

"YAKUMO TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!" she announced through the radio.

"ALL RIGHT!" Marisa yelled, her eyes burning with passion. "ONLY ONE LEFT! LET'S DO THIS!"

"Let's go!" Nitori shouted, revving up the tank to maximum speed. "We'll get up that mountain!"

Meanwhile, Patchouli contemplated the situation. "I've got it!" she yelled before going into a coughing fit. "Got what?" Alice asked. "A cure for asthma?"

"I know the weakness of the Eientei team." Patchouli announced.

"What is it?" asked Marisa.

"It takes them a *cough* long time to stabilize their long gun. Also, they can't turn very fast and they have a limited gun traverse arc. *cough* If we circle them, they'll be unable to keep up and we can shoot them at will."

"Actually, I have another tactic I'd like to try, if we can get close enough." Nitori smirked.

"I know a way up the mountain that doesn't take us into their line of sight," Marisa said. "Will that do?"

"Certainly." Nitori said, a grin on her face.

Working their way up the mountain, the Magic team finally reached the peak. In front of them lay the Eientei team, still unaware of their presence.

Without warning, the Magic team revved up their engine. As the Eientei tank heard the noise and tried to turn their tank slowly towards the assaulter, Nitori buried the front of their tank in the side of the Eientei team. The Eientei team's turret, finally facing the right direction, found itself unable to bring the ridiculously long gun down low enough to hit the Magic team. Marisa smirked at the results of Nitori's plan.

"FIRE!"

The shell emerged from the barrel at point-blank range, slamming straight into the unarmoured side of the Eientei team. The tank shuddered for a moment, then stood still, defeated.

"EIENTEI TEAM, KNOCKED OUT!"

"WE ARE THE GREATEST TANK KILLERS IN ALL OF GENSOKYO!" Marisa whooped.

"Yahoo!" Nitori yelled.

"Well, we actually managed it." Alice commented, a smile on her face. "Not bad at all."

"If you simply think things through with a rational mind, anything is possible," Patchouli said.

As the two tanks were pushed into gaps and sent back to the workshop-like area, the Magic team took in the pride and glory which came from winning. They were led onto the stage where Yukari gave a thank you speech to the participants, before announcing the winners.

"The winners of the Gensokyo Tank Championships are: The Magic Team!"

As the crowd save Reimu applauded, Patchouli received the trophy and prize money from Yukari. Just then, Yukari raised the microphone to her lips once more.

"For winning the Gensokyo Tank Championships, the Magic Team has earned the special honour of leading the Gensokyo Official Senshadou Team in the outside world's 64th Senshadou Tournament!" Yukari announced boldly.

As the entire crowd gathered in the workshop lapsed into stunned silence, a single word escaped from the befuddled Marisa's lips.

"What?"


End file.
